It seems like I am supposed to have more time on my hands to read more. It seems like I am supposed to have overhauled my landscaping. It seems like I should have completed every TV series in the Trending block of my Netflix feed. It seems like I should have perfected bread making. It seems like I should have read all of the Psalms and embraced their rich meaning in light of the lockdown we find ourselves in. It seems like I should have mastered homeschooling, which I have never done before, and working from home, which I have never done before.
The reality is I have practiced my ukelele playing a bit more. I have learned to tie a few more knots. I have tackled a few more home projects with a bit more energy and purpose. I have learned what Twitch is and why I might want to use it. I have learned Teams and Zoom and Sharepoint and Loom and Google Classroom.
But, I am not okay and that is okay. I am not supposed to be okay.
I haven’t taken communion in over a month and I haven’t sung songs with a church community. There are people that I care about and pull for be told that they will no longer have a job when this is all over. My daughter has been robbed of her junior year in high school and all of the rich and profound memories that accompany that season of life. Our oldest daughter was supposed to go on a Spring Break trip to New York and that was taken away from her. Our youngest loved her drama club and the chance to perform this spring and that was canceled for good.
These things are just what I have experienced personally. What of the people that have no jobs, the people suffering in isolation and with little personal comfort? What of the health care workers and their mental anguish, tired bodies, and fear? What of families that can no longer be together.
I am not okay with any of this.
I have embraced a bit more margin in my life and the lessened strain on my time but I am not living my best life and there is no reason for us to think that I have to. I shouldn’t think that if I am not “making the most of this” that something is wrong with me.
For you, there is nothing wrong with you if you are not thriving during this season of lockdown. There is nothing wrong with you if you are depressed, scared, angry, frustrated, lazy, and unfocused.
What is essential for us to be reminded over and over in our lifetimes is that what we do and what we accomplish and what we feel is so not completely dependent on us. I can’t make myself be productive or get a better attitude or Grow Up. God has to intevene for these things to happen. The transforming work of Christ has to work on our hearts to create good.
We have to practice spiritual disciplines, we have to surrender ourselves to God, we have to leave the outcomes to him, and put ourselves in a position to be changed but God does the changing.
So, if you are burdened by the pressure to do more or be greater or win during such a disruptive time then I would suggest that you be reminded of your limitations, I know I have, and let God accomplish his will for you. God’s will is ‘where what God wants done is done.’ Not what I want done but what he wants done.
So, quit the comparison game and stop trying to impress those around you and simply tell God, “I want nothing more than what you want for my life and I surrender all of my selfish ambitions and petty achievements for the hope of living in your good and perfect will. God, do with me what you will and give me the heart to accept it.”
That is living your best life.